I think it’s fair to say that my toes are the most pampered in all of Cheltenham. I’ve never seen anyone around here with a pedicure to rival mine, and that’s because nobody has access to my pedicurist by me. It’s not just the paint job, mind you, although that’s always leagues ahead of the game. I’m not about to tell you exactly what goes into my foot care routine – that would be giving away valuable secrets – but suffice it to say it doesn’t come easy, or cheap for that matter.

Even my podiatrist is blown away but the pristine state of my feet. Why am I going to a podiatrist if my feet are so pristine? That’s a fair question, and the answer is one I’m not too proud to share. You see, about this time last year, I managed to contract a fungal toenail infection, more than likely when I got that pedicure while on holidays. Let it be known that this can happen, and it’s one of many reasons I rarely stray from my usual pedicurist. Still, it happened, and since then I’ve been having regular appointments at the best podiatry centre Cheltenham has to offer.

The fungus seemed to all but disappear within a matter of weeks, but I figure I can’t play it too safe. The podiatrist begs to differ on that, and has said he won’t be prescribing me any more PACT photodynamic therapy for the time being – according to him, it would be pointless as there’s simply no sign of fungus. Nonetheless, I’ve continued scheduling monthly appointments, just to be absolutely sure that the problem hasn’t returned.

This might sound paranoid, but it’s not just me. You see, my pedicurist has advised that she won’t see me if I can’t prove myself to be fungus-free in an ongoing fashion, for at least 18 months after the incident. Naturally, she doesn’t want to run the risk of passing it onto her one other client in South Yarra. In these high-end foot care circles, such a thing would be scandalous and could completely ruin her reputation.