You get to a certain age and you just can’t access as much energy as you used to. Fact of the day, fact of life, whatever it may be. Thing is, it’s also pretty common knowledge, which makes some people…well, I just don’t understand them. Henrietta is the same age as us, and I even heard that she had troubles with her ankles. So what’s she gone and done? Organised an ice skating birthday party.

‘You’re Only As Young as You Feel!’ the invitation gleefully declares. Well, I’m a woman in my seventies and I feel like a woman in my seventies, so I can assure you that I’ll be sitting this one out. She’s found some ice skating rink around Melbourne that does seniors nights, with an actual instructor who helps us with the moves. Apparently there will also be dancing…on ice. Ice dancing. I don’t quite understand the appeal, and I won’t be caught dead out on that ice. Thing is, I had a chat to Ursula about it and she’s actually giving this some thought. Now, this is where I had to step in to be a good friend and talk her out of it.

Ice skating is a young person’s game, clearly. You might not even be going very fast, but it’s just not something that older legs were meant for. Fall over at our age and it’s much, much worse, and even if you have an ice skating instructor, there’s no guarantee that you won’t find yourself skidding across the ground and unable to stop. And I know Ursula…she won’t be thinking straight. She’ll turn into a schoolgirl and be giggling so much she won’t notice that she’s about to break an ankle and be off her feet…well, maybe forever. So we might go along to this party, because it’s at a nice birthday party venue in Melbourne…but there will be no ice skating. I forbid it, for both of our good.